Junk In Da Trunk: Part One

Lately, I feel like everywhere I turn there is an advertisement for big booties. Apple Bottom Jeans, “Baby Got Back”, Kim Kardashian, Beyonce and Jennifer Lopez have become our bootylicious icons and a growing American focus.

Surgeries such as the Brazilian butt lift, fat transferring to the backside as well as actual booty implants are gaining in popularity in the cosmetic surgery industry. These surgeries cost between $10,000 and $20,000. The Booty Pop costs $19.95 for a black and a nude pair with a $6.95 shipping and handling charge. Not a bad deal if you want to test-drive the results.

 As a female of the Caucasian persuasion, I am actually blessed to have a little bit of a backside. A lovely lady lump, if you will.  I saw a commercial on TV for a product called the “Booty Pop” and was intrigued. I CAN MAKE IT LOOK BIGGER? The Booty Pop website, BootyPopPanties.com, even has a warning on the site, “Warning: Wearing Booty Pop Panties has been known to make men notice. The makers of Booty Pop are not responsible for all the extra attention you will receive as a result of wearing our product.” I can’t wait.

I wondered to myself what kind of attention I would get while wearing the Booty Pop and especially if it would fit into my jeans. I feel in a way that wearing this would be like lying. I wonder, is the Booty Pop like false advertisement for my butt?

Like most females, I at times have insecurities about my body. I wonder if wearing the Booty Pop will make the beautifully sculpted hamhocks that I call thighs look smaller because diet and exercise has gotten them more toned and in no way slimmer, something I have just learned to live with and accept as beautiful.

For the next week I will wear the Booty Pop everyday and see how my life and body are affected. I really look forward to hitting up some bars and giving a whole new meaning to the term “bottoms up”. 

published in the Chicago Flame

I wonder what it would be like to have a fake ass.

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