Junk In The Trunk: My Booty, Popped

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I decided to take the plunge and try it all out. I had to make my booty pop. I wasn’t able to get my hands on an actual brand name Booty Pop due to shipping time, but I found something comparable. I went down to A’Gaci on State Street and got myself a “Butt Booster”. For the small price of $12.50, I knew that it was totally worth it for the sake of investigative journalism.

I was determined to wear the Butt Booster for a week straight, with the exception of working out and sleeping. I wore my regular underwear underneath the Butt Booster, like when trying on a swimsuit.

Day 1: I had a hard time stuffing my own booty into the Butt Booster. However, the hardest was putting on a pair of pants. I guess this week I am going to have to wear dresses or my beloved jeggings.

Day 2: I am having a hard time zipping my mid-thigh length coat; this is going to be a long week.

Day 3: Haven’t noticed any extra attention from men. Of course, I have been sitting on my butt in class and then squeezing it into my coat to go out into this sub-arctic tundra we call January. Perhaps if I lived in a warmer climate…

Day 4: So pumped to be at work today. Booty Pop + jeggings + Friday Night. Come hither tips.

Update: Co-worker caught customers check my backside out

Day 5: My coat is so tight that it is riding up. I am not sure if men are being nice to me because I have a nice looking ba-donka-donk or because they think I am with child. Also, I should wear this thing when going ice skating, I could use more cushion then.

Day 6: I am not sure if the yuppies in Wrigleyille have enough money in their pockets to buy my booty a drink. I guess I will have to accept multiple drinks from multiple bachelors. Bottoms up.

Day 7: I saw three last-calls last night and woke up at one o’clock in the afternoon, ‘nuff said.

After wearing the Butt Booster for a week, I will admit, it makes my backside look Kardashian-esque. I would recommend wearing this if an outfit needs a little extra oomph, like how some occasions call for spanx or a push up bra. However, it makes daily function a little challenging, so I do not recommend it for daily use.

Published in the Chicago Flame January 24, 2011.

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