Stop the Muffin Top

Let’s face it, some women love buying skin tight jeans to accentuate their ass-ets. There is nothing wrong with working with what you’ve got, however, there is an issue with your hips spilling out the top of your jeans like nuclear fallout.

The term “muffin top” was named one of the most creative phrases of 2005 by the American Dialect Society, and that is about as flattering as it gets. Urbandictionary.com defines the muffin top as, “When a woman wears a pair of tight jeans that makes her flab spill out over the waistband, just like the top of a muffin sits over the edge of the paper case.”

Skinny jeans and jeggings are all the rage right now, however the muffin top is a wardrobe issue that needs to desperately addressed. It is not cute in any way and it does not matter if you are a size four or a size fourteen, it is simply unacceptable.

To determine if you have a muffin top or not ask yourself these questions: Do I have to use extreme inhalation, including lying on the bed, to squeeze into my jeans? Am I having difficulty breathing? Once these said jeans are on, does my body reflect a sausage stuffed into casing? If you answered yes to any of these questions, sorry to break it to you, but you have a muffin top, hun.

A tip to getting rid of your muffin top is to buy pants that fit you. I know it is a nightmare to realize that you may have gone up a size or two in pants, but you will actually appear thinner wearing a larger size than jamming your love handles into pants that do not fit you. Also, opt for a higher waistband in your new pair of jeans. Low rise and especially dangerously low rise jeans do not flatter your figure. If you need motivation to do these tasks, just remember that muffin tops only look good on plates, not people.

And to be clear, the muffin top has nothing to do with obesity, although it’s commonly perceived as the catalyst. This is not the case. I’ve seen size 2 women wearing size 00 jeans, causing an unflattering situation that could have been avoided if you bought the proper jean size.

There are many ways that the jeans-related disaster referred to as the muffin top can be avoided. Next time you slip in to a pair of jeans and have to strain to get into them, just stop and make sure you are not muffin topping .

Published in The Chicago Flame January 30, 2011

The term muffin top didn’t always have a pejorative connotation. In fact, there is a market for the coveted ‘best part of a muffin’. But human muffin tops – not so much.
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