One of the best drunk Amazon purchases I’ve ever made was a waffle maker. The beauty of drunk Amazon shopping is that sometimes, in my drunken stupor, I forget I ordered it, and then I get a little surprise two days later when it shows up. I’ve bought the best things that way, the Wine Rack bra which is my favorite version of conceal and carry (with moscato), the DVD of Magic Mike, and full body thermal underwear complete with a butt flap. When I think about it, I don’t have an online shopping addiction or anything, it’s that drunk Beth takes care of sober Beth and buys her presents. It’s great.
When I’m not trying to finish a trough of wine, I like to try to take conventional food and make it a little healthier. My mom came in town and we a brunch planned. My mother is never one to worry about me getting enough vitamins, in fact she thinks sometimes I’m too healthy. Bahahahahaahah, that’s cause I don’t gorge myself in public. I do it private when I’m having a Netflix marathon. Most times my roomies won’t even know I’m home when I have my bender of mozz sticks and seasons upon seasons of New Girl because I make sure to not drink any liquids during it so I don’t have to emerge from my bed/cave to prove my existence and get caught. You haven’t lived life until you’ve watched tv for 8 hours straight and even take nap next to a half-eaten container of sesame chicken that you still plan on finishing without reheating or refrigeration.
But when I’m not on my benders, I try to do nice things like this. I love waffles more than most things. because white women don’t mess with brunch. I was trying to look healthy while shopping at Whole Foods (because just being seen in there makes me feel better about myself) and on a whim I bought whole wheat flour. I needed to make something with it, and decided to use my mother and cousin as guinea pigs. I also decided to put a scoop of my protein powder in it for flavor and to sneak healthy things into their food as well.
To my surprise, everyone liked it. I made some extra waffles and froze them for future projects (aka, me eating breakfast and smearing pb&J on them to make a waffle sandwich).
Whole Wheat Protein Waffles
What You’ll Need:
- 2 eggs
- 1 3/4 cups almond milk
- 1/4 cup coconut oil, melted
- 2 tbsp honey
- 1/2 tsp cinnamon
- 1/4 tsp baking soda
- 1 1/2 cups whole wheat flour
- 2 scoops protein powder (I have vanilla flavor, but I can see chocolate or strawberry being good)
- 2 tsp baking powder
- 1/8 tsp salt
Let’s Get Cooking:
- Preheat waffle iron; a.k.a. plug it in. If it has custom heat settings, like something 1-5, put the heat between 3 and 4.
- In a large mixing bowl, whisk together the dry ingredients: cinnamon, baking soda, whole wheat flour, protein powder, baking powder, and salt.
- In a separate bowl, mix together the wet ingredients: eggs, almond milk, coconut oil, and honey.
- Then, dump the wet ingredients into the bowl with the dry ingredients, and mix together until it is a batter consistency. Pro tip: it’s ok to have some bubbles in the batter, but you don’t want the dry mixture clumpy chunks.
- The waffle iron should be ready to rock now, spray it down with some nonstick spray.
- Using a ladle, put about 1/3 cup of the batter into the center of the waffle maker and close. Leave it in there for about 4-5 minutes, or until you can easily pull it out with a fork.
- Repeat step 6 until you have no more batter.
- Serve and enjoy with syrup or butter, or jam, or all of it together.